something serious for a change...
On Finding My Niche
everyone is searching for her niche in the world. the part that she was meant to play in her lifetime. i am no different. i search for my meaning and my purpose. i search for a place where i truly belong, a venue where i can develop my maximum potential and share with others too... i search for an avenue for the many things i've got bottled up inside me.
there then goes the question of "what exactly am i supposed to be doing now?"... it has been a never ending search and reflection process, i've tried different things in the past... all of which made me the person i am now, but the search goes on...
when i was in highschool, life was easy... i found my niche quickly, it was in school work (nah, i'm not a nerd) and the Upsilon Mu Gamma (doesn't it sound sorority-ish?)... it was there that i felt i left my mark... but things then were very easy... totally different from today...
back in highschool, i felt that BIO was my niche... i was good at it, maybe not as high as the exam grades of my friends but never the less i always had the highest grade in the card (yabang!)...
now in college, i'm faced with different challenges that i didn't exactly have to deal with before... studying suddenly became such a chore... and even if i exert effort my work output is simply not was it used to be... here i am trying to work my ass of (okay, maybe it's not exactly working my ass off... more of just exerting effort and all), and still the grades don't seem to show the amount to work i've put in... (okay, maybe they do... but they're not good enough)... or maybe i'm just trying too hard or maybe i'm expecting too much from myself... i suddenly feel that bio isn't my niche after all...
i've searched for a place to belong, an organization that would allow me to be the best person there can be... a group of friends who can simply accept me... a group of mentors who'll show me the way to the top of my potentials... and it is sad to say that i still don't think i've found that place... or maybe i have, i just haven't realized it...
when i was in my sophomore year, i began to join organizations. it started out with Bio orgs and then ALAY-UPM... i remember during the gruelling process for ALAY, i was asked why i wanted to join and i said that i wanted to leave UPM knowing i was a holistic person, never mind that there is no LAUDE when i graduate, as long as i can say that "i did something other than study and make this place a better world to live in" things were gonna be great...
when i started with ALAY, i felt it was my niche... being given an execom position after being accepted, i felt that this was where i was meant to be... i was meant to help people less fortunate than i was, i was meant to share what i have been generously given to people who don't have as much... i felt as meant to learn from them and at the same time i was there to impart a part of myself too...
ALAY opened doors for me, it was where i met Kuya Raymond who eventually invited me to ISKOLAR, and the rest of course is history... everyone knows that i was hesitant in entering ISKOLAR because i felt it would impede my ability to have my own stands on issues and not to mention the amount of time that it would take away from me and my studies... but eventually, i gave in to the thought... i liked the idea of entering the UP political arena because i was tired of the apathy that seemed to eat up every iskolar ng bayan that i see... when we started to EDs (Educational Discussions), i felt this was my niche... i felt that i was made to actually do this... i liked the idea of working with a diverse group of people who had the same goals as me... to have clarity to the issues, to uplift every iskolar ng bayan and to leave the premier institution knowing we've done something to make it better... it wasn't always a breeze though and somehow, as time passes i continue to ask the question if this is where i really belong?... if this is where i'm actually supposed to leave my mark?...
now in 3rd year, and 7 organizations later... i still continue to ask that question... lately, i've been testing the waters again... joining the Debate Circle and setting up my own org which actually focuses on arts as an expression...
is debate my calling? i dunno... i used to love debate and i've always felt that i was a good public speaker... however, now i'm surrounded with people who just leave me in awe with the skill they have and suddenly i find myself feeling like i'm no one and i feel as if i might actually not be a good speaker after all... it can get a little discouraging once in a while but somehow i also see encouragement in the situation because here i have this people who are so eager to help all of us learn to be the best debaters we could be...
is photography and the arts my calling? i dunno... all i know is i want to explore another side of me and use it as a tool to help other people at the same time serve as a means of self expression...
i was pondering on the thought if actually filing for a leave-of-absence for some of the orgs i'm currently handling... i was ponderin on the though of whether or not i should just focus on one thing and hope to find my niche there... or whether i should continue with the juggling i'm currenlty doing... ?
but more importantly, i question as to whether or not we have a pre-determined niche in the world? or do you make our own niche and decide for ourselves?
